The important thing about the married man is he’s probably coping with his limited marriage by doing something else (work, alcohol, substances, whatever consumes and distracts him).In some instances he ‘knows’ his wife is cheating on him and looks the other way.Usually at the beginning of such an arrangement, when the triangle is young so to speak, the ‘other man’ usually tells himself he likes this arrangement because he doesn’t have to make a commitment.She can go back to her husband when we’re done making love, right? The problem comes when over time an attachment forms between the married woman and her ‘other man.’ Now she is growing used to the arrangement and has convinced herself that the triangle makes her disappointing marriage tolerable.
His superficial belief that he wants someone else’s woman for the convenience is a lie he defensively tells himself.
The work needed is usually in the area of developing a better tolerance for love and intimacy by clearing out whatever fears and blockage the guy has in the way.
Then he can go after a whole and available single woman. He’s the ‘other man’s’ competition, but not really.
He thinks that loving someone else’s woman will save him from this fear of intimacy. In my mind, this is an opportunity for growth because triangles are not good for people.
But for the ‘other man’ this is a painful transition from an illusory relationship with a married woman in a triangle with a married man to a period of being alone again where some serious work can be done on his love life (if he’s up for it).