So, for those of you who have a career that you live for, kids could ruin that, and maybe you don’t want that to happen.
For everyone else, if you are thinking of not having kids, and you don’t have a career that you live for, you’re not being honest. You can spend your whole life trying to balance those two things that are extremely important to you.
So what, then, makes all the people who say no to kids in their 20s end up saying yes to kids in their 30s? This is all to say that everyone’s life needs to be about something. On the other hand, either a big job or kids can easily consume an entire day. I don’t see a choice in life besides career or family.
Here’s what I think: There are only two choices in life: career or family. There is nothing else with enough weight to matter in your life.
You can look at anyone in the whole world who you admire, and you can see they picked either career or family. This is why people don’t take women at 26 seriously when they say no to having kids and don’t already have something big and meaningful that they’re doing instead. They are literally going to miss out on having their own kids if they don’t do it soon enough. It’s not just that most women are doing the caregiving and that it’s unpaid labor.
There are not people who have an amazing career who also put their family first. What those women are really saying is they they would do something big and meaningful with their careers before they had kids. Everyone thinks that and it’s only true for like 5% of the world. Everyone who has kids says they love their kids more than anything in the whole world. The real thing keeping you from having kids is that you think no one will admire you for your brains and ambition. It’s that it puts your life on a path for low performers: “The more women care for others, the less care they can receive in return, because they devote less time to waged labor than men and many social insurance plans are calculated on the years of waged work done….
When we have no model for being good parent it’s hard to believe it is possible to be a good parent.
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