Australians are involved in a national debate about whether same-sex couples should be allowed to marry.So are Harold and Russell — but their conversation is, well, a bit more personal.Everyone knows that STD's are passed through non-monogamous sex. She cries and throws herself at my feet, begging for forgiveness. I then leave her a sobbing mess on the floor as I storm off triumphantly. "Now, my dear wife," I said, "this is the point where you beg for forgiveness. "Okay, first of all, I can't believe what a sick person you are. Not to mention petty, weak, insecure, and pathetic. I looked to Pearl for help, but she simply shrugged. Pete happened to be in town and needed a place to crash for the night. I figured it would be nice to visit with him." "Well, why the fuck were you hugging and kissing him in the kitchen? The chance that I had been infected was pretty much one hundred percent. You know what that means." "Have you spoken to her about this? The big confrontation." That jackass just shook his head and stared at me like I had three heads. I cleared my throat and resumed my Clint Eastwood impression. Maybe you tell me it was a 'mistake.' Maybe you tell me it meant nothing. You know, the usual bullshit." Hester merely stared at me in disbelief and shook her head. But more importantly, you know that man in your photo is my cousin, Pete, right? "You met him at Katie's wedding last year," Hester continued. Now, they've agreed to sit down and hear each other out.When it comes to same-sex marriage, it looks like these two agree to disagree.For her part, Hester pretended as if she weren't a cheating whore. I nearly vomited later that night when we made love. I'm still gathering evidence and plotting my revenge." "I'm sorry..big confrontation? I sit her down and lecture her like she's a little girl. I produced my cellphone and scrolled to the photos I had taken of Hester on the night I had discovered the first strange car in my driveway.
In every one of my favorite online stories, the wronged husband always maintains his composure. Imagine being doubly-humiliated by getting my ass kicked by her loverboy? Instead, I'd be the other type of hero I've read about, where the sainted husband plots and schemes to find a way to get his revenge in a more clever way. I needed some time to think, so I booked a hotel room for the night.
It was fairly late at night, so I knew I wouldn't be seen. Instead, I just stayed crouched in the bushes and watched as Hester flipped the light switch and disappeared up the stairs.
Sure enough, there was my wife, Hester, standing in the kitchen with some strange man I'd never seen before. I took a few steps back and looked up to see our bedroom light go on, and then off again a moment later.
I thought that maybe I should recruit her in my revenge plot.
I'd read many stories where the daughter and father form an alliance against the cheating mother. The following day I went to work on my revenge plot. I opened a new savings account and began transferring money from our joint account to the new one. Frankly, that's disgusting." "Well, it looked sexual to me," I blurted out.