Of course this was also “innocent” despite the fact that he had written her at least one letter, they had gone for walks together and he had offered to pick her up from work.It goes without saying, he never mentioned her to me.Everything is about him – his pain, his frustration, his discomfort.
I had become suspicious of him years ago when he received an overly friendly text from a co worker when his phone went off while he was in the shower.I am sickened by him but at the same time feel this empathy for him – I feel badly that he isn’t seeing the kids as much as before, I feel badly that he seems to be suffering.At times I feel “his feelings” almost more than my own and I wonder if I have lost myself to this person. Especially when I start feeling like I just want to go back to him and pretend none of this ever happened. In therapy he is apologetic and is saying the right things, but, as always, it doesn’t feel authentic to me. I can’t believe he thought so little of me that he would put my LIFE in danger by having sex with prostitutes. He’s now saying he’s a sex addict – that he’s been dealing w compulsive porn use for twenty years, “only rarely” surfs escort sites and “even more rarely” actually had sex w prostitutes. And in twenty years there have “only” been six (now it’s six, by the way) prostitutes. I’ve asked for transparency for us to move forward but I don’t think I’m getting it and don’t know if I ever will OR if he is being honest, if I’d be able to tell.The real man is a hairs breadth from freaking out about the smallest thing.A person who seems irritated to “have” to spend time w the kids at a playground on the weekend.