Although differences can be deal-breakers, a difference in sexual orientation doesn't need to be.
I've heard many, many people — gay and straight alike — say they wouldn't date a bisexual person.
I had been nervous about dating a bi person and was initially filled with jealous insecurity every time I thought about the fact that he was noticing women too.
It took a while to learn that my insecurity was on me, and my nervousness was misplaced — his bisexuality would be no threat to us. So gay men, lesbians, and straight people: don’t fear dating a bisexual person. If they’re a good person, then they’ll be good to you, and if they’re not, then they won’t.
But late one night, in a parking lot after we had spent an angry hour talking on the phone, I made a decision that I would later consider an act of mercy for both of us: I would never speak to him again — and didn't.
When I finally told him the truth, answering his oft-asked inquiries about my infidelity with a final, fateful yes, we remained locked in a toxic back-and-forth, shouting insults at each other for a month.
And when I scroll through Grindr’s grid of faceless torsos, I find myself only messaging guys with complexions lighter than a paper bag.
Even if there are some self-identified bisexuals who are romantically interested in one gender and sexually attracted to another, and even if some self-identified bisexuals just questioning and experimenting, let’s acknowledge where the real blame should lie: with queers like me who didn’t fully come out in the beginning.
Although it’s not intended to hurt anyone — many of us do it in an effort to protect ourselves from the homophobia of our friends and family — our temporary claims of bisexuality damage credibility and the dating field for those whose bisexuality is not temporary. My ex watched lesbian porn one night and it made me really uncomfortable.
Although I understand some differences to be deal-breakers (vastly oppositional religious beliefs or political leanings come to mind), I can't understand why the difference between gay or straight and bisexal is such a no-go for so many.
From a practical standpoint, it's unrealistic: bisexual people will have to date a gay or straight person at some point, because there simply aren't that many bisexuals out there (although several recent studies indicate there are more bisexuals around the world than we've previously assumed).