How can I change self-limiting beliefs

Four Core Beliefs That Can Control Your Life

Source: Photo by Taru Goyal on Unsplash

Core beliefs are the general principles and assumptions that guide you through life. They can be positive, “Most people are good” or “I can do whatever I set out to do.” But they can also be self-limiting and make your mind see the world as darker and less possible is real.

Read through these common harmful core beliefs and make note of the ones that resonate with you.

Common harmful core beliefs

1. "I'm not one of them."If you are rejected by your peers or even your family at an early age, you can wear an "underdog." Identity for years after that. As an adult, you might avoid dealing with fear of rejection, or you might swing to the other extreme and be overly concerned about being the perfect group member.

2. "The world is dangerous."This negative core belief leads to a lot of worry and risk avoidance. If you believe that evil or bad luck is lurking around every corner, you are likely to limit your activities and seek excessive safety to alleviate your anxiety. You also tend to overestimate the likelihood of negative outcomes and underestimate your ability to cope.

3. "I'm a failure / I'm not good enough."A persistent feeling of not being able to measure can often be attributed to overly critical parents. Bullying classmates or having a tendency to compare yourself to others. This belief can lead people to try too hard to overcompensate. It also drives Cheater Syndrome, the constant feeling that you are a scam and are being debunked every day now. People who see themselves as failures may also tend to avoid or procrastinate, which allows them to say, "I haven't failed; I've never really tried."

4. "I have to be perfect."As the cousin of "I'm not good enough," this core belief also leads people to drive themselves until their health or relationships suffer. Perfectionists have unrealistically high expectations and tend to focus on their mistakes and missteps. You may have trouble taking life less seriously and often feel that there is too little time left.

3 ways to establish new core beliefs

Here are some ways to look at your self-limiting beliefs from new angles until your mind begins to change.

1. Look at your past.

Negative beliefs can often be traced back to your early days. Even when parents are doing their best, there may be times when a child may feel excluded or judged by the rest of the family due to a temperament mismatch. The same applies to peer groups. After you leave the nest, even if you find your "tribe," you can cling to untrue beliefs about yourself that were formed in your childhood.

Try this: Take a look at the core beliefs that you identified above. See if you can find any messages in your past that reflect these implicit or explicit feelings. For example, your dad may never show up at your baseball games and make you think, "I don't care," whether he ever said it or not. Or maybe your mother left the family when you were little and now you think, "I'm not worthy of love."

2. Look for evidence.

Beliefs come in pairs. If one of your internal messages is, "I'm not good enough," you can begin starving that belief by feeding its benevolent twin, "I'm good enough." Look for evidence to build good faith: the way your contributions made a difference, the barriers you overcame, the people you love and support. Slowly you will begin to draw your mind away from the mistakes and failures that you mistakenly believe will disqualify you from your dreams.

3. Focus on the good.

Of course, people are emotional beings, and sometimes trying to be rational about your beliefs just doesn't work. Then it's time to speak up about your feelings.

Focus on the positive downside of one of your negative beliefs. Think of a time when positive belief really felt true, no matter how fleeting the feeling was. For example, if your negative belief is "I'm not good enough", remember a time when you felt "good enough". Immerse yourself in this feeling for a few minutes and remind yourself that you can and will feel this way again.

Allow yourself to accept new evidence of the good faith even if you feel like rejecting it. Perhaps you got an interview for your dream job, and your instinct is to tell yourself, “Well, that's just a coincidence. You will never hire me. "Take a moment to really recognize and celebrate that the employer has been impressed with your references and wants to get to know you instead of taking that leap into negativity. Keeping your perceived flaws in perspective is key to Recalibrating your belief system towards more realistic, self-compassionate views.

Other things to try:

  • Create a visual reminder of evidence of the positive beliefs you are working on. This can be as simple as putting photos on your fridge reminding you of the goals you have achieved and people you love. Or, if you want to invest a little more time, you can create an entire collage reminding you that you are loved, able, generous and so on.
  • Think about the people in your life who tend to support positive beliefs and see if you can spend more time with them. If there are people who make you feel consistently negative about yourself or the world, try to limit your time with them.
  • Think about how the news and entertainment you have consumed could affect your beliefs. For example, if you want to stop believing that danger is lurking around every corner, you can try cutting back on true-crime dramas and television news.