What do you think about married life

3 ingredients for a successful marriage

Would you say you have a successful marriage? When was the last time you even thought about your relationship?

Do you actually still know your wife?

A friend of mine was recently abandoned by his wife. A world collapsed for him.

As is so often the case, they have drifted apart in the 15 years of relationship and my friend didn't notice. Hence, this separation came to him like a bolt of lightning out of the blue.

I get the details of the War of the Roses and the desperation of my friend very closely and it preoccupies me a lot. I always wonder how I would be if something like this happened to me?

Just the idea that my wife would leave me and that I could only see my children every 2 weeks makes me wake up bathed in sweat at night.

What can I do with our relationship holds

A successful marriage is work

Many believe that marriage is the culmination of a relationship.

How do we manage to combine children and our relationship?

Learn how to keep your relationship fresh so that I can continue to be a couple and not just parents.

You get to know each other, fall in love, at some point you move in together and then you get married.

Finish in front of the altar.

Then you can lock leave, as they say here in Münsterland - so take it easy and don't make as much effort as in the time before.

Exactly the opposite is the case. Marriage is a fresh start for a relationship. From the day you get the Yes word begins a new relationship with one another - a new one Level if you like it that way.

And like any relationship, this new relationship requires work and, above all, commitment.

Anyone who thinks "our relationship will last" is naive.

Almost every second marriage in Germany is now divorced. Your and my marriage have a 50/50 chance. So whoever believes in good will and a little fingers crossed will find themselves before the divorce judge sooner or later.

Nobody can protect themselves 100% from the fact that the marriage does not break down one day. But there are a few things that I think are important. They are the main reasons for a failed relationship, and if we can eliminate them, our marriage will be much healthier.

1. Spend time together

Do you still remember the beginnings of your relationship? You weren't without your partner for a second and when you did, you felt like you were missing an arm.

Over time it gets less and when you are married, have children, it automatically decreases. That is normal and I also think that it cannot be arranged any other way.

However, it is important not to forget the topic. Even if you do a lot as a family and enjoy it, don't forget that you are not just parents, but primarily a husband and wife

"The most important task of a good father is to love the mother of his children!"

Make sure that you regularly do things for two and spend time together - just like in the past.

Plan evenings alone, without children. Organize a babysitter and have a nice meal or dance again.

Quarters the children with grandma and grandpa for the weekend and goes on a weekend excursion. It doesn't have to be expensive or a remote location.

It's not about that What but about that you have a good time together.

2. Get to know each other regularly

Would you say that you are exactly the same today as you were last year?

Or like 5 years ago?

Or like 10 years ago?

Hardly, and that's a good thing. It would be terrible if we didn't develop further.

What applies to you also applies equally to your wife. It is also changing and developing, and please think about that regularly.

Rewind once more and remind yourself of your getting to know each other.

What were you curious about back then. You wanted to know everything about this woman and she from you. You hardly knew each other and wanted to know who the person opposite was.

Do you know your wife today really?

I know this is a provocative question, and the answer to it may not be a convenient one.

But please don't cheat now. Just because you know a lot about your wife's past doesn't mean you know who your wife is today.

  • What is important to her in her current life situation?
  • Is she happy?
  • Which thoughts are moving?
  • Where does she see herself in 3 years, where in 5 years?

You knew the answer to all of these questions - when you met.

But do you still know her today?

Precisely because we all develop further every day and are no longer the same people on Friday as on the previous Monday, it is so important not only to spend time together, but also to talk about these things.

How?

Ask a question.

In salespeople it is called "... who asks wins ...". So ask your wife questions and find out who she is today, what is going on in her and tell her who you are today.

3. Talk positively about your wife

My in-laws' neighbor always talks about his wife as the old. He may not mean it as badly as it sounds, but I've never heard him use his wife's first name when talking about her.

How will the relationship between the two be?

Talking positively about your wife confirms your attitude towards her. By speaking positively of her and about her, you enter a Positive spiral.

You see a lot more of the positive characteristics of your wife

The psychologist calls it selective perception. The more you highlight the positive aspects of your wife, the more of these positive aspects you will perceive in her.

Of course, this also works in the opposite direction. The neighbor of my in-laws, who constantly talks negatively about his wife, probably sees a lot more faults and negative sides about her and overlooks all the good things.

Your wife does more things that you like

It's not about manipulating your wife. We humans are so connected that we do more of the things we are praised for. We make regular use of this principle in raising animals, raising children and managing employees.

This principle also works at home. If you mention z. For example, how beautiful your woman looks when she wears her hair down, you will notice that she will wear her hair down more and more often.

It makes you resistant to temptation

One of the great dangers of marriage is temptation. When men cheat, it is usually not calculated or calculated. You don't wake up in the morning and think to yourself "Today I'm cheating on my wife". It is the temptation that arises and that you succumb to.

By speaking positively about your wife, you are kind of immunizing yourself against this type of temptation.

If you speak of your wife in the highest tones, in your eyes no other woman will be able to hold a candle to yours.

Who else could tempt you?

Even if the statistics paint a different picture today - a happy marriage is not a gamble.

I am firmly convinced that if we bring the three ingredients - which I consider very important - to our marriages, we will increase the chances of being together exponentially in 20 years.

Let me give you the floor: do you have any other ideas on how we can make our marriage successful? Write your answer in a comment.

Categories Being a dadTags Leading a happy marriage