Would INTJs be more sympathetic or intimidating




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INTJ in relation to ESTP


ESTP = ESD = E.xtraverted S.inner orientation with auxiliary function D.think

INTJ = IND =I.introverted I.nOrientation towards tuition with auxiliary function D.think

Positive aspects

Both What they have in common is that they would rather rely on thinking than on feeling.
That is why they have thick skin, are logical and fair, open and honest.

Both are inquisitive and want to recognize the principles underlying things and events. You are independent and recognize the competence of your partner.

What the partner values ​​about IND / INTJ:

Calm, independence, maturity, intellectual efficiency, creativity, vision; Ability to anticipate future developments.

What the partner values ​​about ESD / ESTP:

Friendly, sociable, energetic; Uninhibited sociability, wide circle of friends. Wherever they go, ESD are quickly becoming the entertaining focus of society. Life is more fun and refreshing when an ESD is involved.

IND can with the help of the partner Pay more attention to the present moment, take some risks, be patient enough for details; taking back some of his / her impossible-to-reach standards by seeing reality for what it is; can develop more common sense, which makes his / her big ideas more workable. ESD bring laughter and adventure into the partner's life.

ESD can be done with the help of the partner Use the amazing energy in a more concentrated way and become more systematic and predictable. When ESD works more and more motivated to improve and deepen the relationship, he or she naturally becomes more and more empathetic, appreciative and understanding for the partner and for other people.

The potential for frustration

ESD live in the present moment, are always in action and have lots of adventure and fun with friends. They are very sociable and always the invigorating and entertaining focus of any company, are very talkative, love and master small talk. They react extremely quickly, flexibly, impulsively and instinctively to everything that happens in their environment. In doing so, they are self-confident, adaptable, uncomplicated and cannot be disturbed.

IND live very withdrawn, love the quiet and like to spend time alone or with a few selected friends. You need a lot of freedom and peace to think, to gain an overview and insight, to process experiences and impressions and to come to terms with yourself. In larger company they feel extremely uncomfortable, with their calm, considered manner they hardly have a say and feel restricted in their inner development by the busy and loud goings-on. You like to plan in advance and are purposeful, determined and very independent.

The two are so completely different that there is little they can do with each other. ESD considers the IND partner to be too serious, quiet, stubborn, lonely and boring and finds that he or she is too aloof, cumbersome and theoretical. IND considers the ESD partner to be careless, superficial and chaotic and finds the constant talk and gusto unbearable.

Although the two have a common preference for thinking, they find it difficult to find a common basis because each other ESD probably guided by logic, but postponing decisions in order to keep the options open as long as possible. IND Though he thinks carefully before acting, he wants things to be decided and settled quickly.

ESD feel comfortable in a relaxed and uncomplicated way of life. They may not be constantly occupied with maintaining order and cleanliness. They are easily distracted, and while they can get excited about a project, they rarely pull it through to completion.
IND want to live in an orderly environment that reflects their inner order. That is why they bear the brunt of maintaining order and cleanliness, especially when the woman is IND. That creates anger and resentment. IND-Women have a harder time in that they are traditionally brought up more on domesticity and caring. However, the ESD partner should be aware that an IND woman doesn't like housework any more than he does. That is why a fair division of labor is particularly important.

Punctuality is also a constant issue. ESD are mostly late while IND prefer to be there too early. IND get annoyed at the inconvenience caused by the partner's unpunctuality, and ESD feel controlled and criticized.

Since both tend to look for solutions with the help of thinking, they have the chance to come to a fair compromise with regard to housework and punctuality.

The conflicting interests in relation to reality are more difficult.
ESD are thoroughly realists and above all interested in concrete, tangible, useful and practically usable things. They have little patience with the intellectual pursuits of the IND partners and are bored when it is mentioned.
IND like to occupy themselves with theories and abstract concepts. You feel disturbed by the many social and sporting activities of the ESD partners.

The best way to mitigate this conflict is to allow each other the freedom to pursue their own interests and to spend time together doing activities that are both enjoyable. It could also mean a pleasant and interesting balance for everyone if everyone occasionally participates in the interests of the other.

If you can bring yourself to occasionally talk about your feelings, fears, and hurts, you can bring a confidential bond into your relationship.

On the bulletin board:

Dear IND partner, dear IND partner (INTJ)

I always want to limit activities outside of the home and plan for times of rest that we can spend together.

I understand and accept your need to be alone a lot and to devote yourself to your thoughts and interests in peace.

I would like to find out more about some of your interests from time to time so that we have more opportunities to talk together.

If there is a conflict, first of all I want to ask you how you see the matter.

I realized the importance of order and predictability to you, especially after a busy day. That's why I want to give you the rest you are used to and not press you with actions or social occasions.

I want to take your worries seriously and not dismiss them critically or abruptly.

DEAR ESD partner, dear ESD partner (ESTP)

I want to allow you a lot of freedom to pursue your interests and social needs. Although I have no need to be sociable, I will be happy to accompany you from time to time. But it is fine with me if you often go out without me.

My communication style, as I have now realized, is often quite complicated and abstract. I want to learn to express myself in a simpler and more concrete way.

It's up to me to adapt a little to your lifestyle and, above all, to become more spontaneous.

I want to get into the habit of sharing my thoughts and reactions more frankly.

I have to work on not being so critical and demanding and should watch out for my tendency to be impatient and condescending.

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INTJ in relation to ESFP


ESFP = IT F = E.xtraverted sensory orientation with auxiliary function F.cool

INTJ = IND =I.introverted I.nOrientation towards tuition with auxiliary function D.think

Positive aspects

When the ESF and IND, who have no type preference in common, get to know each other, they are often fascinated by their differences and can build interesting and stimulating relationships. But they are also confronted with great challenges and have to work hard to understand and endure one another.

What the partner values ​​about IND / INTJ:

Independence, creativity, calm, logic, intellect, the ability to discover creative and unexpected connections of thoughts; organized, disciplined, immerse yourself in your chosen field of study and work; ambitious, have a clear plan for the future.

What the partner values ​​about ESF / ESFP:

Warmth, energy, love for life and lust; generous, caring, eager to do good; objective, modest, understanding; generally popular. IND often feel loved and cared for by ESF in ways they have never experienced before.

IND can with the help of the partner Pay greater attention to the joys and beauties of the world around you and appreciate the gifts and talents of other people and natures; can express his / her feelings and prefer to let other people help him rather than trying to solve all problems himself. IND, who are serious and focused, say their partners take them out of their minds to partake in joyful activities and exciting adventures.

ESF can with the help of the partner slow down, become more objective; use his / her energy in a more targeted manner, meet his / her obligations more consistently; can anticipate future needs rather than rushing to do the next thing; can find stability and calm, develop a plan for the future.

The potential for frustration

IT F are very sociable, have a large and diverse circle of friends and acquaintances and prefer to spend their time in groups where it is fun and everyone has fun.
IND live withdrawn, prefer to be alone or with a few trusted people and spend most of your time working and studying.

IT F are very talkative, love happy chat and small talk and always need someone to talk to, because when they talk they think best and can clarify their feelings. ESF also move from one detail to another, especially when talking about other people.
IND talk little, talk mainly about topics and usually think through their ideas and reactions carefully before talking about them. IND are used to express themselves in such an abstract and complex way that they are often not understood. However, they become impatient when their partners do not immediately understand the conceptual context that is clear to them.

IT F therefore often feel left alone by IND partners because they spend a lot of time at work and lonely pursuits and are not very willing to talk.
IND feel rather disturbed by their ESF partners' chatter, which is experienced as irrelevant, and also find that they spend too much time with friends and activities away from home.

IT F are emotional, want to please and please others and can be very sensitive to criticism and rejection. They allow themselves to be guided by their values ​​in their decisions and take into account the effects on the people affected.
IND are thought-oriented, base their decisions on objective facts and logical analysis and sometimes find themselves unable to take human impact into account. They have thick skin and can take objective criticism well.

IT F know what it feels like to be hurt and hurt and usually take great care not to hurt other people's feelings. In order to maintain a harmonious relationship, they will prefer to avoid an overly open discussion, often put their own needs aside and sometimes make concessions that they cannot keep in the long run.
IND place more value on openness and truthfulness and can sometimes be quite blunt and tactless. They are used to being in control of their emotions and can react impatiently and disdainfully when their partners get too upset about the stresses and disappointments of everyday life.

IT F want to keep opportunities and options open for as long as possible and therefore often postpone decisions. They hate it when their partner pushes them to make quick decisions. You have no problem making changes spontaneously or abandoning projects that have already started.
IND value a structured and orderly environment and predictable processes. You strive for quick and clear decisions and like to plan ahead. They don't like it when things get limp or plans are changed too often.

In addition to all these opposites of these fundamentally different characters, there is also an opposing general lifestyle.
IT F are uncomplicated, freedom-loving, adaptable and playful bon vivants, indulge in the joys of the present moment without prejudice and are satisfied with a certain comfort in the status quo for all their love of life and adventure.
IND are level-headed, cautious, calm and controlled, always have possible developments in the future in mind and constantly face new challenges in order to develop further.

If the ESF and IND find each other in their first enthusiasm for the charm of opposites and stay together, then their relationship will perhaps be divided into two parallel, friendly worlds. Unless they have the power to assimilate so much compensatory contrast while maintaining their own basic structure in a healthy manner that a challenging and exciting, but also very fruitful relationship with great growth opportunities can be realized.

On the bulletin board:

Dear IND partner, dear IND partner (INTJ)

I understand and respect that you need a lot of time to yourself so that you can devote yourself to your interests or relax and recharge after a busy day.

I also want to make sure that you respect your habits, rituals and routines.

I am not going to urge you to participate in social activities more often than you would like.

I am ready to get involved in a joint action plan and will not retreat if something funnier comes up.

I will listen carefully when you explain something. I will get used to interrupting you and finishing your sentences myself.

I will tell you when I feel the need for you to listen to me in a non-judgmental and supportive manner on something that is important to me.

Before such a conversation I will put my thoughts in order, will argue calmly and clearly, not repeat myself and only mention really important details.

I regret that I sometimes thoughtlessly questioned your knowledge or skills. This is unfair and I'll make sure it doesn't happen to me again.

Dear ESF partner (ESFP)

I will give you a lot of freedom so that you can enjoy social activities and fellowship with friends. But I ask for your understanding if I mostly don't want to be there myself.

Occasionally, however, I will be happy to take part in some of your social activities, and for that purpose I will promptly interrupt whatever I am doing.

I will listen to you attentively and supportively when you share your feelings and experiences with me.

Contrary to my tendency to want to deal with everything by myself, I will also share my feelings with you and, if necessary, take your advice or help.

I have to get used to being impatient, disparaging and critical and - which unfortunately I have often done - saying that your feelings are pointless.

I tend to think abstractly and should consciously turn my attention to concrete, real-life details. I should also try to remember important information about people.

I appreciate you, I like to be there for you and I am grateful to you because you make me happy. But I should tell you this more often and not silently assume that you already know that.

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IND in relation to EDS  //  INTJ in relation to ESTJ


ESTJ = EDS = E.xtraverted D.Environment orientation with auxiliary function S.inner sensation

INTJ = IND =I.introverted I.nOrientation towards tuition with auxiliary function D.think

Positive aspects

Both rely more on their logic than on feelings. That is why they are able to discuss problems and conflicts factually and objectively and the decision is always made in favor of the more logical and better thought-out arguments. Both have thick skin and do not take criticism personally.

Both shape their external environment in a rational way with the help of their extraverted thinking. That is why they lead a well-structured and orderly life and value a clean and tidy home. You want to get everything done quickly, make quick and clear decisions, make plans and work quickly, persistently and productively on your tasks and projects. In their relationship, too, they ensure a prosperous and smooth coexistence through clear regulations.

What the partner values ​​about IND / INTJ:
Intellectual precision, competence, independence.

What the partner values ​​about EDS / ESTJ:
Energy, sociability, productivity; Understanding of traditional values ​​and rituals.

IND can with the help of the partner often come to a more realistic and practical view of important ideas and gain the necessary energy and grounding to make the ideas a reality.

EDS can with the help of the partner Slow down, think more carefully before acting, broaden your intellectual and artistic horizons and recognize connections that you might otherwise miss.

The potential for frustration

EDS are very sociable and like to get together with their many friends and acquaintances to do activities together and have fun. They regret that their IND partners are so reluctant to socialize and always have to be pushed first. EDS are extremely realistic and pragmatic and focus their attention on specific facts and details.
IND seek and need silence and spend a lot of time thinking throughout their lives. They find social life extremely frustrating and exhausting. They only decide to act after they have been thoroughly informed and prepared beforehand, mostly from books. You have a penchant for ideas and want to understand the world and its interrelationships as fully as possible.
IND are considered too abstract and complicated by their partners, EDS for too concrete and specific.

EDS are very talkative, mainly because they think best while talking. That is why they want to discuss things in detail with their partner and find it frustrating that their INF partners are so reluctant to talk and that they simply break off conversations if they are not interested in the topic.
IND are very monosyllabic and only start a conversation when it comes to a specific topic. They prefer to say briefly and succinctly what it is about and be silent again. They feel pressured to talk about superficial things or something they have nothing to say about.

EDS are cautious and conservative and have very traditional values, especially about family and home. Although they are very work and career-oriented, the family is usually more important to them than their career. This is especially true for EDS women, but also for EDS men.
IND are so eager to prove themselves professionally that they often pursue a career and are faced with ever greater challenges. They often have too little time and energy for their families.

Both cannot deal well with their own feelings or with those of their partners because they want to avoid emotional disturbances or turbulence. You don't want to be vulnerable either. But if one of the two is particularly upset, it can lead to a violent emotional overreaction that eventually spreads to the other. This can sometimes make conflict resolution very difficult.

On the bulletin board:

Dear IND partner, dear IND partner (INTJ)

I understand and accept that you need a lot of time and quiet to think and that you first have to be clear about your thoughts and feelings before you can react to questions or conflict situations.

I have recognized and accept that you usually find social activities to be a heavy burden.

I am impressed by your good ideas and achievements and will support your decisions, ambitions and career plans.

I realized that I have a tendency to ask you to do what I want and when I want to. I will wean myself off that and will not make such requests to you even if I think that it would be good for you.

I think it would be good if I could learn something with you. That way we could win interesting times togetherness.

Dear EDS partner (ESTJ)

I will make an effort to become more talkative because I realized that you feel the need to talk things over.

I plan to tell you more often about what's going on in my life. I will ask for your advice when there are decisions to be made.

I am grateful to you for the many everyday things that you do to keep our home in order and to make our lives easier. I should tell you that more often. Above all, I should also look for ways myself how I could make life better and more beautiful for you.

I will try to keep some time free in which we can do something with each other.

I see that I keep getting tempted to criticize you. I want to stop doing that.

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IND in relation to EFS  //  INTJ in relation to ESFJ


ESFJ = EFS = E.xtraverted GefOcular orientation with auxiliary function S.inner sensation

INTJ = IND =I.introverted I.nOrientation towards tuition with auxiliary function D.think

Positive aspects

Both are different in attitude and in functions, but have one thing in common: they approach the design of their personal environment with a rational, judging attitude (as far as their conscious behavior is concerned) - EFS with extraverted feeling (eF), IND with extraverted thinking (eD). Their reasonableness corresponds to what is collectively considered to be reasonable. (Cf. C.G. Jung, Ges.Werke, Volume 6, Par. 670ff). In the MBTI this setting is coded with J (judging).

Both are therefore interested in a structured, planned and orderly life, want their home well organized and clean, make clear decisions that they stick to consistently and want everything done quickly.

Both hold firm views to which they hold fast. It can become problematic if their judgments are based on different values ​​and beliefs.

What the partner values ​​about IND (INTJ):
The calm objectivity, the ability to understand complex relationships; Intellect, wit, creativity, independence.

What the partner values ​​about EFS (ESFJ):
Warmth, caring, sociable impartiality, general popularity, work ethic and reliability, an effort to help and please others.

IND can with the help of the partner Understand others better, develop more compassion for others, pay more attention to the details that are important to others, pay more attention to the beauties of the moment.

EFS can with the help of the partner make more balanced decisions; worry less about the opinions of others; gain an expanded spiritual horizon.

The potential for frustration

EFS are very sociable and talkative. You spend a lot of time away with friends, colleagues, neighbors and acquaintances, so that little time is left for your partner. Not only do you like to have a good chat in groups, but you also want to discuss everything immediately and in detail with your partner. They find it annoying that they have to extract all information from their partners first.
IND They prefer to live secluded and concentrated and are often so busy with their ideas and projects that partners and family are neglected. They have a strong need to think everything through carefully and, if possible, only communicate their ideas when they are reasonably mature. They often feel harassed and perhaps also disturbed and bored by the extensive talkativeness of their partners.
The two can get along wonderfully if everyone allows each other a lot of time to pursue their own interests and if they keep enough time free to listen to and support one another.

EFS are so realistic and adjusted to the practical requirements of everyday life (FS) that they tend to have no interest in the abstract ideas and future-oriented projects of their partners and often find them pointless and boring.
IND rather approach things theoretically and have such a strong urge to understand the context and background (ND) that they often neglect the relevant activities.

EFS are rather conservative, often suspicious of new ideas and cautious and often negative about changes (iSeF).
IND want to be independent and original, like to look for new challenges and are filled with new energy when opportunities for innovative changes arise (iNeD).
It is an enormous challenge for both of them to bridge these differences, especially if they have different social and political values.

EFS are primarily emotion-oriented, understanding and very sensitive. They take everything personally and can easily be hurt in their feelings. Even a harmless or constructive suggestion is often perceived as personal criticism.
IND say what they think is logically correct and do not pay attention to the emotional, experiential effect. They are then often surprised and irritated when the partner is offended and perhaps holds on to the resentment for a long time.

EFS feel deeply troubled by conflicts and arguments and avoid doing or saying anything that might upset the harmony. But the opposite is achieved: unsolved problems build up and ultimately lead to even greater excitement.
IND find it annoying when this emotional behavior prevents or postpones objective problem solving.

EFS is considered more feminine in social prejudice, IND rather than a male role model. If a woman is IND-influenced, she is quickly regarded as cold and heartless, a man in the EFS role is considered too talkative and influenced by other people's opinions.

On the bulletin board:

Dear IND partner, dear IND partner (INTJ)

I have seen that you have a great need to pursue your personal pursuits and interests. This contradicts my need for contact and speaking, but I will give you as much freedom as possible.

I also understand that it is often very difficult for you to find your way out of deep concentration when I want to talk to you, probably because you are also afraid of losing the thread.

I want to be more interested in your often original ideas and also resist the urge to point out mistakes immediately.

I have to be careful not to question your knowledge and competence in public. That would hurt you very much and would be unfair and thoughtless on my part.

I have seen that you don't like getting involved in feelings, perhaps because you shy away from the turbulence they could cause. But it would be unfair to think you are numb. I shouldn't be pushing you to share your feelings either, especially if you're not ready to do so.

But I will tell you my own feelings as calmly and objectively as possible so that you can understand what is going on in me.

I will try to be calm, logical, and reasonable when making my arguments.

I plan to bring up small issues right away, but I'll give you time to ponder your answer. In doing so, I will try not to repeat myself, to get emotional and not to exaggerate.

Dear EFS partner, dear EFS partner (ESFJ)

I appreciate the many little things you do to keep everything organized and run smoothly. I want to thank you more often because otherwise you might think that I take all of this for granted.

I realized that you think by talking, and that's when your best thoughts come to you. That is why I want to listen to you patiently and attentively and not let my eyes wander around

I want to hold back on criticism, even if I think I'm constructive and helpful. However, if I find it essential, I will be gentle and kind and always start with something positive. The word “but” would always sound negative, so I'll avoid it.

I will try not to be impatient with your emotional responses, to dismiss your feelings as unfounded, inconsequential, or exaggerated, and not to try to talk you out of them.

Unlike you, I attach little importance to birthdays and the like. I will therefore make reservations so as not to forget about birthdays, important memorial days and rituals that you like.

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IND in relation to ENF


INTJ = IND =I.introverted I.nOrientation towards tuition with auxiliary function D.think

ENFP = ENF = E.xtraverted I.nOrientation towards tuition with auxiliary function F.cool

Positive Aspects

Both are intuitive, have a common worldview inspired by fantasy, see the big picture and have an eye for possibilities and future developments. You want to see why and how things work and how everything affects each other. As a rule, they also have an interest in and understanding of the dynamics that underlie human relationships.

They have a wide range of interests and enjoy talking to each other about their views - for example on current topics such as politics and art - and strive to develop their creativity in different areas.

What the partner values ​​about ENF (ENFP):

Warm-heartedness, enthusiasm, social ease; the ability to improvise and respond to other people's needs; the playful and accepting being; the unconventional way of overcoming obstacles; the irreverent humor.

What the partner values ​​about IND (INTJ):

Calm, committed devotion; intellectual passions; the ability to gain distance and remain objective, even with strong emotions or turmoil, and to continue working productively and efficiently on the projects that have already started.

ENF can with the help of the partner benefit from constructive criticism; perform his / her obligations more carefully; adhere to a pre-planned schedule; tackle fewer projects so that impressive talent doesn't get bogged down in too many projects at the same time.

IND can with the help of the partner act more cautiously, develop more sensitivity and compassion; better understand and communicate your own feelings; develop more patience; relax, enjoy life and not take things too seriously.

The potential for frustration

ENF are among the most sociable of all types. They have large groups of friends, thrive in company, and get restless and bored when spending too much time alone. When an unexpected social opportunity presents itself, they enthusiastically participate.
IND belong to the least sociable people, prefer to spend their time alone or in a quiet community with relatively little interaction and maintain a small circle of close friends. They avoid social events wherever possible.

ENF are very talkative and think best while talking. They feel comfortable with small talk.
IND talk very little. They feel the need to conceptualize something before saying it. They rarely speak up unless they have something specific and well thought out to say. In situations that require small talk, they are mostly confused about what to say.

ENF want to be emotionally well integrated. In their relationship, they long for harmony and emotional connectedness. This is why they often ask their partners how they are feeling.
IND usually feel quite uncomfortable with such questions and consider them intrusive and annoying, but in any case unnecessary. They really have to think about how they are feeling first, because they are seldom aware of their feelings and are nowhere near as rich in feeling as their ENF partners.

IND are logical and objective and tend to be insensitive to the feelings of others. You can be quite critical and set very high standards for yourself and others.
When conflicts arise, can IND react quite angry at first.
ENF suffer from any disturbance of harmony and seek to avoid confrontation at all costs.

IND shape their external environment and behavior in a judgment-oriented manner with the help of their extraverted thinking (eD), ENF however, perception-oriented with the help of their extraverted intuition (eN).

IND find it pleasant when everything is neat and tidy, planned and predictable. You are productive and want everything to be decided quickly and done quickly.
ENF maintain a more open and flexible lifestyle and are reluctant to commit to plans or change plans often at the last minute in order to be able to seize surprising opportunities spontaneously.

On the bulletin board:

Dear ENF partner (ENFP)

I make a decision to attend social gatherings more often instead of retreating to work, books, or my computer. (On the other hand, it is precisely these things with which I can best develop my energy.)

I always want to give you my undivided attention, especially when you express worried feelings.

I want to learn better and better to deal with feelings and to speak about them frankly. I want to take extra care not to reject your reactions and feelings.

It is so easy for me to criticize that I often notice it too late when I have offended you. I would rather look for and highlight something positive. For example, I will pay close attention to it and acknowledge it when you do something nice for me.

If something runs over my liver or is bothering me, I won't keep it to myself, as usual, but let you know so that a toxic resentment doesn't build up and suddenly break out at some point.

I have to be careful not to take my standards for general validity and possibly impose on you. It should dawn on me that there are several "right" ways, not just mine. And, hard as I find it, I should admit when I'm wrong and apologize.

Dear IND partner, dear IND partner (INTJ)

I don't want to ask you to attend too many social occasions. I will mainly invite you to participate when we can participate in small roundtables with a few friends.

Above all, I will often keep quiet times free for both of us, unless you are currently concentrated.

I respect your urge to be independent and will give you a lot of freedom, also in emotional terms. When you come home from work, I will first give you a rest and only then will I discuss current matters.

I will respect the rituals and routines that are dear to you and important to you.

I will try to learn and learn more about the things you are preoccupied with, even if they are not of general interest.

I want to be prompt and reliable. If I say that I want to do something, then I will seek to really do it.

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IND in relation to EFN


INTJ = IND =I.introverted I.nOrientation towards tuition with auxiliary function D.think

ENFJ = EFN = E.xtraverted GefOcular orientation with auxiliary function I.ntuition

Positive aspects

Both are more intuitive than sensory, are therefore open to new ideas and possibilities, want to understand the big picture and are increasingly looking to the future.

Both create their environment predominantly judgment-oriented (eF and eD), value structure and organization and want to have their life and their home in order. They are very goal-oriented and help each other if they want to implement their visions and achieve great things.

What the partner values ​​about EFN (ENFJ):
The positive energy, the enthusiasm and the refined skill in dealing with people.

What the partner values ​​about IND (INTJ):
Depth, independence, intellectual agility.

EFN can with the help of the partner Slow down the pace, listen more patiently, look at problems more objectively and from new perspectives, and see more objective solutions.

IND can with the help of the partner see more clearly what is really important to him / her; can better understand the feelings of others and also one's own and thus make personal and professional relationships more sensitive and effective.

The potential for frustration

EFN are very sociable, enjoy spending time with others and enjoy conversing with others.
IND find social gatherings uncomfortable and exhausting, especially if they don't know or respect the people present and if they don't care about them. Nor do they like to engage in conversation unless they find the topic engaging.

The greatest potential for conflict lies in the contrast between emotional orientation at EFN and thought orientation at IND.

For EFN Relationships are primarily important, especially those within the family. In order to create a harmonious, loving and supportive relationship, show the partner a lot of understanding, try to please him or her and to be pleasant and try very hard to establish a good basis for conversation.

IND care less about relationships. They are very independent and often immerse themselves in their own ideas and projects. Above all, they want to satisfy their thirst for knowledge, invest a lot of time and energy in their professional work and often put their careers above the needs of the family.
EFN feel compelled to stand back with their needs in order to maintain harmony. But over time, this can be very depressing and cause lasting bitterness.
The IND-Partner often doesn't even notice. But EFN can suddenly become cold and hostile if they patiently strive to maintain harmony and the IND partner does not respond.
Then pull yourself IND probably even more so back, become even more silent and refuse consent and tenderness.
If the both do not find a loyal and constructive willingness to talk, but everyone wants to keep the upper hand, the relationship can quickly reach a painful and bitter impasse.

EFN live primarily from the feeling, take things personally and can easily get hurt in their feelings. But they are very communicative and have their hearts on their sleeves so that the partner can almost always know about their feelings.
IND however, they have a hard time dealing with their feelings and are extremely reluctant to share their feelings, especially when it is necessary.
This allows you to EFN feel even more isolated and hurt.

EFN are very loving and helpful, which can be very beneficial for the partner. EFN but do well not to do more in their caring affection than is needed and desired by the others.
are very independent people and can find excessive caring beyond their real needs to be intrusive and patronizing.
IND always feel a little uncomfortable with emotions, and if they go beyond a certain level, they are likely to reject their partners' feelings as illogical and argue against them. Such disputes can be experienced by the IND partner as intellectual training. The EFN partner always perceives it as a disturbance of harmony.

On the bulletin board:

Dear IND partner, dear IND partner (INTJ)

I respect your need for independence and want to allow you as much freedom and privacy as possible. I don't want to expect too much social contact with you either.

I always admire your ideas and achievements and would like to support you in your professional needs.

You know how important I think the conversation is. That is why I will listen to you with undivided attention when you talk to me, and I will take special care not to utter value judgments.

I also know that you are a rather silent person, but I will not misinterpret your silence as a lack of compassion. On the contrary, I can feel your understanding and sympathy, even if it is difficult for you to talk about it.

I have a faster pace by nature and will be careful not to get impatient if you sometimes react and work more slowly.

Dear EFN partner, dear EFN partner (ENFJ)

I will let you know when I need space for myself and an undisturbed time of rest, and not just withdraw without a word.

I will be careful not to automatically put work first, but to check my priorities and find a balance between family and work.

I appreciate the many resourceful and loving things you do for me and the family. I want to tell you this more often so you don't get the impression that I take it for granted.

When discussing problems, I have to consciously hold back in order not to be opinionated, provocative or intimidating. I want to make sure to stay positive and careful.

I have difficult access to feelings and I have to be careful never to reject your feelings, even if they don't make sense to me.

I will do my best to learn, with your help, how to deal with feelings and how to show them. I think it will also be good if I let myself into a certain amount of romance in our relationship and if I can show you my love spontaneously with tender hugs and in other ways.

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IND in relation to END


INTJ = IND =I.introverted I.nOrientation towards tuition with auxiliary function D.think

ENTP = END = E.xtraverted I.nOrientation towards tuition with auxiliary function D.think

Positive aspects

Both are full of a thirst for knowledge, want to understand the world and the diverse interdependence of all things, assess everything from a comprehensive perspective and tend to lively debate on the most varied of topics.

They have an eye for opportunities, try to be competent in everything they tackle, are very career-conscious, encourage and support one another as much as possible. If they have disagreements, they analyze their points of view objectively and use their excellent problem-solving skills to find a mutually satisfactory solution.

The two of them take their strong urge for independence into account by choosing quite separate areas of life. On the other hand, they find the basis for a lively and understanding relationship in their shared worldview and in their broadly diversified interests.

What the partner values ​​about END (ENTP):
Charm, wit, social security.

What the partner values ​​about IND (INTJ):
Strength, brilliance, depth.

END can with the help of the partner Use the enviable energy in a more targeted manner, organize yourself better and thus become more productive, more successful and more responsible.

IND can with the help of the partner Become more open to new experiences and experiences.END know how to cheer up the more serious IND and encourage them to relax, play and laugh.

The potential for frustration

END are looking for numerous social relationships and have a large circle of friends and acquaintances.
IND do not feel comfortable in the company of many people, but can feel neglected when their partner goes out with others instead of staying with them.

Both usually set very high standards for themselves and others, but the standards of the IND can be almost inaccessible. IND are often perfectionists and have little patience when something is not done the “right” way. That is why they are often perceived as rigid and demanding.

In everyday relationships, conflicts often arise from the contrasting lifestyle of the judgment-oriented IND (eD) and the perception-oriented END (eN).

IND want things to be decided and done quickly. They insist that plans are rigorously followed and that commitments are met. The living and working area should be tidy and clean.
END often enthusiastically tackle innovative projects, but often fail to complete them. You pay close attention to new opportunities and can quickly adapt to respond promptly and flexibly to favorable opportunities. Plans and promises often go unfulfilled. In order to have to restrict the numerous activities and relationships as little as possible, a certain amount of disorder is accepted.

IND often complain that their END partners are notoriously messy and not reliable or trustworthy.
END think their IND partners are inflexible and feel controlled.

When you are spending money END much more impulsive than IND. Most of the time, they solve this problem by managing their finances separately.

END want to discuss conflicts immediately and resolve them quickly. IND want to think before talking about it. But if problems remain unsolved for too long, it can happen END explode and act irrationally while yourself IND withdraw, devour your anger and cut your partner in silence.

In addition, they can be quite insensitive because, as typical rationalists (ND), they have no antenna for feelings.

Have in the area of ​​their intuition preference Both same blind spot. Because they pay close attention to possible developments in the future, they often miss important details and some of the joys of the present moment. In order to strengthen the realistic sense orientation, you should consciously pause again and again to be grateful for what you have.

On the bulletin board:

Dear END partner, dear END partner (ENTP)

Please feel free and independent to participate in social life. I want to take part in it every now and then and will also show sympathy for your friends.

I will also occasionally arrange appointments outside the home and come up with all sorts of new and surprising ideas.

Though I feel the need to make things quick and final, I won't try to nail you down. I will wait until you have considered all options and possibly asked other people for their opinion.

I will make sure that you always have some options open so that you can be spontaneous and impulsive. But I am fine when it comes to things that I can live with.

I, too, will try to be flexible and ignore small annoyances. I will not criticize you and certainly not question your abilities in public.

Dear IND partner, dear IND partner (INTJ)

I won't ask you to socialize too much. If we attend social events together, we will make sure that you may be able to go home alone, with a second car or public transport.

In our conversations, I will give you a lot of time to think before I expect an answer.

I respect the rules and routines that are important to you.

I will make sure that you don't have to deal with more than one thing at the same time. This does not go well with your concentrated way of thinking and working. When I want to discuss problems, I will avoid interrupting your work or thoughts.

I am impressed by your achievements and successes. I should tell you that more often. In the meantime, I have to be careful not to question your abilities in public in the impulsiveness of a conversation. That would be very unfair.

In my impulsive way, I also have to try to keep the agreements and plans that we have made with each other. At the very least, I should prepare you in a timely manner for any changes I have in mind.

I want to help that we can rest and relax frequently, that we find activities that you enjoy and meet your interests, and that physical intimacy is not neglected.

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IND in relation to EDN


ENTJ = EDN = E.xtraverted D.Orientation with auxiliary function Intuition

INTJ = IND =I.introverted I.nOrientation towards tuition with auxiliary function D.think

The positive aspects

Both feel stimulated by intellectual challenges, learn incessantly, enjoy studying together, and have lively debates. They often share interests and passions and see the world in a similar, comprehensive way.

Both are quite ambitious, strive for knowledge, ability and power, set very high standards for themselves and their partners, but also offer active support. They are imaginative and logical at the same time, excellent problem solvers and like to use their creativity in difficult challenges.

What the partner values ​​about IND (INTJ):
The calm and the ability to look inside.